Why Your Kids Don't Want to Speak Your Language (And 7 Ways to Change That)

Picture this: You ask your 8-year-old to speak Yoruba at dinner. They roll their eyes and answer in English. Again.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Thousands of African parents living abroad face this same struggle every day.

You want your kids to speak your language. They want to fit in with their friends. And somewhere in the middle, you're wondering if you're failing as a parent.

Here's the truth: You're not failing. Teaching heritage languages abroad is hard work. But it's also one of the most important gifts you can give your children.

This article will show you why kids resist their heritage language and give you 7 simple ways to change that. No guilt trips. No impossible strategies. Just real solutions that work for busy families.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

When your child speaks your language, they're getting so much more than words. They're connecting to:

• Family stories that only exist in your mother tongue
• Cultural wisdom passed down for generations
• Brain benefits that make them smarter and more creative
• Job opportunities in our global world
• A strong sense of identity that helps them succeed anywhere

Research shows that kids who speak their heritage language have better problem-solving skills and stronger family bonds. They also feel more confident about who they are.

The Real Reasons Your Kids Don't Want to Speak Your Language

1. They Want to Fit In

Your kids see their friends speaking English (or French, German, etc.) everywhere. At school, on TV, in video games. Their heritage language feels different. And at their age, different can feel scary.

2. It's Harder Than English

Let's be honest - your heritage language probably has sounds, grammar rules, or writing systems that English doesn't have. For kids already juggling school and activities, it can feel like extra homework.

3. They Don't See the Point

Kids live in the moment. They can't see how speaking Amharic or Swahili will help them make friends or pass their math test today.

4. There's Pressure at Home

Sometimes we get so worried about preserving our culture that we turn language into a battlefield. When learning feels forced, kids naturally push back.

5. No One Else Speaks It

If your child is the only Somali speaker in their class, they might feel self-conscious about their language. This is totally normal.

7 Simple Ways to Get Your Kids Excited About Their Heritage Language

1. Make It Fun, Not a Chore

What doesn't work: Formal lessons every night after homework What does work: Games, songs, and activities they actually enjoy

Try this today:

• Play "20 questions" in your language during car rides
• Find YouTube videos of popular songs in your language
• Let them teach YOU new words they learned in English, then show them the version in your language

2. Connect Language to Things They Love

Does your daughter love cooking shows? Watch them in your language together. Is your son obsessed with soccer? Find games where the commentary is in your mother tongue.

Examples that work:

• Nigerian kids loving Nollywood movies
• Ethiopian children getting excited about traditional coffee ceremonies
• Kenyan kids learning Swahili through popular music

3. Create a "Language Hour" (But Make It Special)

Instead of calling it study time, make it family time. During this hour:

• Tell stories from when you were their age
• Cook traditional foods together
• Play traditional games
• Share family photos and talk about relatives

The key is making your language the bridge to fun family memories.

4. Use Technology to Your Advantage

Kids love screens. Use that to help, not hurt, your language goals.

Apps and resources that help:

• Language learning apps with games and rewards
• Video calls with grandparents and family back home
• African YouTube channels made for kids
• Streaming services with movies in your language

5. Build a Community

Your family shouldn't do this alone. Connect with other families who speak your language.

How to find your tribe:

• Join Facebook groups for your diaspora community
• Attend cultural events and festivals
• Start a weekend playgroup where kids speak your language
• Connect with African cultural centers in your city

6. Celebrate Small Wins

Every time your child uses your language, make it a big deal. Not in an embarrassing way, but in a way that shows you're proud.

Small celebrations that work:

• "I love hearing you speak Luganda!"
• High-fives when they remember new words
• Sharing their progress with grandparents on video calls
• Taking photos when they read something in your language

7. Be Patient With Yourself and Your Kids

Some days will be harder than others. Your kids might go through phases where they refuse to speak your language at all. This is normal.

Remember: You're planting seeds. Even if you don't see results today, you're building something important for their future.

What to Do When Your Child Says "I Don't Want To"

This moment will come. Here's how to handle it without starting a fight:

Stay Calm

Take a deep breath. Getting upset will only make them more resistant.

Ask Questions

"Can you tell me why you don't want to speak Yoruba today?" Sometimes there's a specific reason you can address.

Offer Choices

"Would you rather tell me about your day in Twi or help me cook dinner while we speak Twi?" Giving options makes them feel in control.

Share Your Why

"When you speak our language, it makes me feel so connected to you. It reminds me of my grandmother, who would have loved to hear you speak."

Take a Break

If they're really resistant, it's okay to step back for a few days. Force never works long-term.

How to Handle the Guilt (Yes, Most Parents Feel It)

You're not alone if you sometimes think:

• "I should have started earlier"
• "I'm not doing enough"
• "My kids are losing their culture"

Here's what to remember:

You're Doing Your Best

Raising kids in a different culture than where you grew up is hard. Cut yourself some slack.

It's Never Too Late

Kids can learn languages at any age. Even if they're teenagers, they can still connect with their heritage.

Small Steps Count

Speaking your language 10 minutes a day is better than not speaking it at all.

Your Kids Will Thank You Later

Many diaspora kids who resisted their heritage language as children become grateful as adults.

When to Get Extra Help

Sometimes you need more support than just family efforts. Consider getting help if:

• Your child is completely refusing to speak your language
• You're feeling overwhelmed and stressed about language preservation
• Your family is fighting about language use
• You want more structure than you can provide at home

Where to find help:

• Weekend language schools in your community
• Online tutors who specialize in African languages
• Cultural organizations that offer family programs
• Other parents who've been through the same struggles

Building Your Support Network

Don't try to do this alone. Here's how to build a village that supports your language goals:

Connect With Other Families

• Join local African parent groups
• Attend cultural events regularly
• Start a group chat with parents facing similar challenges

Get Schools Involved

• Talk to teachers about your child's bilingual abilities
• Ask if the school celebrates different cultures
• Volunteer to share your culture during international days

Stay Connected to Home

• Schedule regular video calls with family
• Plan trips back home when possible
• Invite relatives to visit and spend time with your kids

Success Stories That Give Hope

Amara's Family (Ethiopian-Canadian): After their 10-year-old daughter refused to speak Amharic for six months, they started a family cooking tradition. Every Sunday, they made traditional Ethiopian food while only speaking Amharic. Now she asks to cook with them and teaches her friends Amharic words.

The Okafor Family (Nigerian-American): When their twins said Igbo was "boring," dad started telling them stories about their great-grandfather's adventures—but only in Igbo. The boys got so interested in the stories that they started asking for new vocabulary to understand better.

Sarah's Journey (Somali-British): A single mom worried she couldn't maintain Somali alone. She connected with three other Somali families online and started weekend Zoom calls where kids played games in Somali. Two years later, all the kids are fluent and best friends.

Simple Daily Habits That Make a Big Difference

You don't need big changes to see results. Try these small habits:

Morning Routine

• Say "good morning" in your language
• Talk about the weather or what's for breakfast

Car Rides

• Play music in your heritage language
• Practice counting or naming colors

Bedtime

• Tell one short story in your language
• Say goodnight prayers or poems you learned as a child

Mealtimes

• Name the foods you're eating
• Talk about your day in your heritage language

Weekend Activities

• Watch one show or movie in your language
• Call grandparents and let kids practice speaking

The Long Game: Why This Matters for Your Child's Future

Teaching your heritage language isn't just about preserving culture (though that's important too). It's about giving your children tools for success:

Career Advantages

The world is getting smaller. Companies value employees who can connect with diverse communities.

Cognitive Benefits

Bilingual kids are better at problem-solving, multitasking, and creative thinking.

Family Connections

Your children will be able to communicate with extended family and understand family stories that would otherwise be lost.

Cultural Confidence

Kids who know their heritage language feel more confident about their identity and place in the world.

Moving Forward: Your Next Steps

Here's how to start making changes today:

This Week:

1. Pick one daily habit from the list above and try it for 7 days
2. Find one fun video or song in your language to share with your kids
3. Connect with one other family in your community

This Month:

1. Plan one special activity that uses your heritage language
2. Have an honest conversation with your kids about why your language matters to you
3. Look into community resources or weekend programs

This Year:

1. Build relationships with other families on the same journey
2. Create new family traditions that celebrate your language and culture
3. Document your progress and celebrate how far you've come

Remember: You're Not Alone

Every African parent living abroad faces these challenges. Some days will be easier than others. Some kids will embrace their heritage language quickly, while others need more time.

What matters is that you don't give up. Every conversation in your mother tongue, every song you sing, every story you tell is building something important.

Your children might not appreciate it today, but they will carry these gifts with them for life. And someday, they might thank you for not giving up when things got hard.

The path isn't always easy, but it's worth it. Your heritage language is more than words—it's a bridge to your ancestors, a gift to your children, and a legacy for generations to come.

Start small. Be patient. And remember: you're doing something amazing for your family, even when it doesn't feel like it.