Why Your Child Needs to Express Feelings in Your Native Language
By Lionel Kubwimana
••9 min read
How speaking your mother tongue helps kids understand their emotions better, feel more confident, and build stronger family bonds.
KEY HIGHLIGHTS
- •Deeper Emotions: Kids express feelings more clearly and honestly when they can use their family's native language alongside English.
- •Stronger Identity: Children who speak their heritage language feel more confident about who they are and where they come from.
- •Better Mental Health: Using your mother tongue in therapy and daily life helps process emotions more effectively and reduces stress.
- •Family Connection: Kids who share their parents' language have stronger family bonds and better communication at home.
- •Brain Benefits: Research shows children's brains work better when they can express emotions in their first language.
- •Practical Tools: Simple daily activities help families practice emotional conversations in both languages for better mental health.
Your Child's Heart Speaks Two Languages
Picture this: Sunday dinner at the Ntwari family's home in Minneapolis. Eight-year-old Amina switches between English and Kirundi as she tells stories about her week. When she talks about being hurt by a friend, she uses Kirundi. When she describes her science project, she speaks English.
This isn't confusion - it's wisdom. Amina's heart knows that some feelings live better in the language she learned first.
If you're an African parent raising kids far from home, you might wonder: "Is it worth the effort to keep our language alive?" The answer is yes - and not just for culture. Science shows that kids who can express feelings in their native language are happier, more confident, and mentally healthier.
Here's why your family's languages matter for your child's emotional well-being, plus simple ways to nurture both languages at home.
Why Native Languages Help Your Child's Mental Health
Your Child's Brain Is Wired for Your Language
When babies learn their first language, special connections form in their brain. These connections link words directly to feelings, memories, and physical sensations. It's like having a superhighway straight to their heart.
Languages learned later use a different pathway - more like a back road. They work, but they don't reach the emotional centers as quickly or deeply.
What this means for your child:
- Their first language feels more "real" when expressing deep emotions
- Happy memories, comfort, and safety are stored in your native language
- In times of stress, they naturally want to use familiar words from home
Emotions Have No Perfect Translation
Some feelings simply don't translate well. You know this if you've ever tried to explain a word from your language to English-speaking friends. They nod politely, but you can see they don't really get it.
For example:
- Ubuntu (many African languages) - the deep connection between all people
- Saudade (Portuguese) - a longing mixed with love and sadness
- Hygge (Danish) - cozy contentment with family
When your child loses access to these words, they lose access to these exact feelings. It's like trying to paint with half the colors missing.
Cultural Values Live in Language
Your native language doesn't just carry words - it carries your family's values, wisdom, and way of seeing the world.
When your child speaks your language, they learn:
- How your culture handles conflict and forgiveness
- What your ancestors valued most
- Different ways to show love, respect, and care
- Stories that teach life lessons
Without the language, these lessons become harder to pass down.
Real Benefits for Kids Who Use Both Languages
Better Emotional Intelligence
Research shows that bilingual children:
- Recognize emotions in others more easily
- Can describe their feelings with more detail
- Handle emotional conflicts better
- Show more empathy toward different people
Why it happens: Switching between languages exercises the part of the brain that manages emotions and relationships.
Stronger Family Bonds
Kids who speak their parents' native language:
- Feel closer to grandparents and extended family
- Understand family stories and traditions better
- Can communicate during emotional moments
- Feel proud of their heritage instead of embarrassed
Real example: Maria, a Colombian-American mom, noticed her teenage daughter opening up more during their Spanish conversations. "She tells me things in Spanish that she can't say in English," Maria shares.
Better Mental Health Support
When children need counseling or therapy:
- They can express complex feelings more accurately
- Therapists get clearer information about what's wrong
- Treatment works faster and more effectively
- Kids feel understood and heard
Study results: Clinics with bilingual therapists report 40% better outcomes when clients can use their native language during sessions.
Academic and Social Benefits
Children comfortable with emotional expression in both languages:
- Perform better in school overall
- Have stronger leadership skills
- Make friends more easily across cultures
- Handle stress and challenges with more resilience
Common Challenges (And How to Handle Them)
"My Child Resists Speaking Our Language"
Why it happens: Kids want to fit in with friends. Speaking a different language can feel embarrassing or "uncool."
Simple solutions:
- Make it fun, not forced
- Find cool movies, music, or YouTube channels in your language
- Connect them with other bilingual kids
- Share exciting stories about your culture
- Let them teach you slang words they know
"I'm Not Perfect in My Own Language"
Why it happens: Living abroad for years can make you forget words or feel rusty.
Simple solutions:
- Remember: you don't need to be perfect
- Kids learn from effort, not perfection
- Ask relatives to help via video calls
- Look up words together when you're stuck
- Celebrate learning as a family activity
"We Don't Have Time"
Why it happens: Between work, school, and activities, adding language practice feels overwhelming.
Simple solutions:
- Start with just 10 minutes daily
- Use car rides for language time
- Practice while cooking or cleaning
- Make bedtime stories bilingual
- Quality matters more than quantity
"My Child Mixes Languages"
Why it happens: This is called "code-switching" and it's completely normal and healthy.
Simple solutions:
- Don't worry - it shows their brain is working well
- Set gentle guidelines: "At dinner, let's try Yoruba first"
- Praise effort over perfection
- Model code-switching yourself
- Remember it's a sign of intelligence, not confusion
6 Simple Ways to Build Emotional Language Skills
1. Create Feeling Check-Ins
Daily routine: Ask "How are you feeling?" in both languages each day.
How to do it:
- Start with basic emotions: happy, sad, angry, scared
- Add more complex feelings gradually: frustrated, excited, nervous
- Help them notice the difference between how words feel in each language
- Keep a family feelings journal with words in both languages
2. Use Music and Stories for Emotions
Why it works: Songs and stories carry emotional language naturally.
Simple activities:
- Listen to children's songs in your native language
- Read bedtime stories that talk about feelings
- Watch movies and discuss the characters' emotions
- Sing lullabies that you remember from childhood
3. Practice During Real Emotions
Best opportunities: When your child is actually feeling something strong.
How to help:
- Ask them to describe the feeling in both languages
- Don't force it - just offer the option
- Share how you would express the same feeling
- Validate their emotions in whatever language they choose
4. Connect with Extended Family
Why it matters: Relatives provide natural emotional conversations.
Easy ways:
- Schedule regular video calls with grandparents
- Encourage kids to share good and bad news with family
- Let them translate for family members who don't speak English
- Plan visits where your language is the main one spoken
5. Build a Family Feelings Dictionary
What it is: A list of emotion words in both languages.
How to create it:
- Start with 10 basic feeling words
- Add new words when they come up naturally
- Include phrases your family uses ("heavy heart," "light spirit")
- Let kids draw pictures next to words
- Review and add to it regularly
6. Model Emotional Expression
Your role: Kids learn by watching you.
What to do:
- Share your own feelings in both languages
- Explain why you choose one language over another for certain emotions
- Don't hide when you're struggling - show them how to ask for help
- Celebrate when they express feelings clearly in any language
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes families need extra support. Consider bilingual counseling if your child:
- Shows signs of depression or anxiety
- Has trouble making friends or connecting with family
- Struggles with identity or feeling "between two worlds"
- Has experienced trauma or major life changes
Finding help:
- Look for therapists who speak your language
- Ask community centers for referrals
- Check if schools have bilingual counselors
- Consider online therapy options in your native language
Building Long-Term Emotional Health
For Young Children (Ages 3-8)
Focus on: Basic emotional vocabulary and family connection.
Daily activities:
- Name feelings during picture books
- Sing traditional lullabies and songs
- Use your language during comfort moments
- Play simple games that involve emotions
For School-Age Kids (Ages 9-14)
Focus on: Deeper emotional conversations and identity development.
Weekly activities:
- Discuss school situations in both languages
- Share family stories that teach values
- Practice explaining complex feelings
- Connect with heritage language friends
For Teenagers (Ages 15+)
Focus on: Identity integration and emotional independence.
Regular practices:
- Respect their language choices while keeping doors open
- Involve them in family cultural activities
- Support their exploration of heritage and identity
- Model healthy emotional expression in both languages
Real Success Stories
The Rodriguez Family (Dominican-American)
Challenge: Their 12-year-old son was shutting down emotionally and refusing to speak Spanish.
What they did:
- Started cooking traditional meals together while speaking Spanish
- Connected him with a Dominican youth group
- Shared family photos and stories from the island
- Found Spanish reggaeton music he actually liked
Result: Within six months, he was speaking Spanish with friends and felt proud of his heritage.
The Okonkwo Family (Nigerian-American)
Challenge: Their daughter was struggling with anxiety but couldn't explain her feelings clearly to school counselors.
What they did:
- Found a bilingual therapist who spoke Igbo
- Practiced emotional vocabulary at home in both languages
- Used traditional Igbo stories to discuss feelings and coping
Result: Her anxiety improved significantly once she could express herself fully in therapy.
The Ahmed Family (Ethiopian-American)
Challenge: Three kids who felt disconnected from their Amharic heritage and extended family.
What they did:
- Started "Amharic Sundays" with traditional food and language
- Set up regular video calls with grandparents
- Attended Ethiopian cultural festivals as a family
- Created a family photo book with stories in Amharic
Result: All three children now serve as cultural ambassadors at school and feel proud of their heritage.
Your Action Plan: Starting This Week
Week 1: Assessment
- Notice when your child naturally switches to your native language
- List 10 feeling words in your language that don't translate well to English
- Identify one family member who could help with language practice
- Observe how your child expresses emotions now
Week 2: Small Steps
- Add one daily feeling check-in using both languages
- Find one song or story in your language that talks about emotions
- Share one childhood memory about feelings with your child
- Create a simple feelings chart for your refrigerator
Week 3: Building Habits
- Start using your native language during bedtime routines
- Practice describing one difficult emotion in both languages
- Connect with one other family who shares your language
- Let your child teach you one feeling word they know
Week 4: Expanding
- Plan one family activity conducted entirely in your native language
- Help your child call a relative and share something emotional
- Start a simple family journal with entries in both languages
- Celebrate your child's progress with something special
Month 2 and Beyond
- Gradually increase emotional conversations in your native language
- Connect with community resources for bilingual families
- Consider whether professional support might help
- Document your family's bilingual emotional journey
The Gift You're Giving Your Child
When you help your child express feelings in your native language, you're giving them:
Emotional freedom - the ability to feel and express the full range of human emotions
Cultural connection - a bridge to their heritage that will never break
Mental health tools - better ways to cope with stress, trauma, and life challenges
Family closeness - deeper relationships with you and extended family
Future resilience - skills that will help them throughout their life
Remember: you don't have to choose between languages. The goal isn't to replace English with your native language - it's to give your child access to both emotional vocabularies.
Start Where You Are
Your journey doesn't need to be perfect. Maybe you start with one word a day. Maybe you begin by singing an old song you remember. Maybe you simply tell your child "I love you" in your first language.
What matters is starting.
Your child's heart has room for many languages. When you honor that space, you honor their whole identity. You give them permission to feel deeply, express clearly, and connect authentically with their full heritage.
The languages of your ancestors are not just words - they're emotional wisdom waiting to heal, comfort, and strengthen your child for whatever life brings.
Ready to begin your family's emotional language journey? Start with one feeling word today. Your child's heart will thank you in every language it speaks.